Resolving Unwanted Relationship Patterns Through Emotional Awareness

We follow a real life relationship trigger that starts at a shooting range and turns into a breakthrough on emotional mastery, self prioritization, and self love. We unpack how the law of focus and the law of reflections can turn a small moment into a powerful mirror for subconscious beliefs. 
• emotions as signals of disconnection from the truest self 
• the law of focus and why attention amplifies patterns 
• a Gatorade moment as a relationship reflection 
• self prioritization through slowing down for physical healing 
• subconscious beliefs and childhood abandonment wounds 
• “spicy wins” and using setbacks as information 

If you have any questions or want to reach out to me, or let me know if you have any takeaways or insights from this episode, I love hearing from you. You can either leave a comment on the episode or email at krystal@krystalward.com

Transcript

Welcome And Why Emotions Matter

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Do you ever get the feeling that you're destined for an even bigger, bolder, more magical life? Welcome to the Conscious Glow Up. I'm your host, intuitive energy healer and coach, Crystal Ward. My goal is to help you create the life you fantasize about by teaching you energetic spiritual laws of the universe and neuroscience tools. I'll share how I utilize these teachings in my own life with stories of single motherhood, entrepreneurship, finances, and relationships. Let's dive on into the depths of consciousness and glow up from the inside out. Welcome back to The Conscious Glow Up. I am your host, Crystal Ward, intuitive energy healer and life coach. Today I have an episode about something different than I normally talk about. Emotions. I mean, emotions are intertwined in everything that I talk about because it is always our emotions that, you know, make situations memorable, situations that I bring to you. Usually I talk about the spiritual law of reflections. That is a component to this story, but the basis of it will be on emotions. And this story I think came up for me, it happened yesterday because I'm intending to master my emotions. I'm in a mini course. I'm almost finished with it on emotional mastery. And when we are in a course learning something, especially when it is tool life, life skills and tools that we use in our life, then our higher self likes to give us situations where we can put these tools and this new knowledge into practice, and that practice is what gets us to mastery. And within that practice are obstacles. My favorite thing. Everyone loves obstacles, right? So part of why this also happens, I think, is because of the spiritual energetic law of focus. So if I am focusing on tools that I am learning in a class, then I will easier, easier focus on the like free motion. So for example, emotions. If I'm focusing on new emotional tools in class, then I will be focusing more on emotional situations in life. And when we are focusing on something, then it gets bigger, it kind of blows up. So you've probably heard where your attention goes, grows. And that is why we don't want to spend a lot of time focusing on the past because those if it's a negative memories, then we are going to bring those into our current life. And yeah, so it's very important to notice what we are focusing on. And with a lot of focus. I have so I have been intentionally trying to work on my self-love, which includes self-prioritization, which is what this story is going to be about. I have been intentionally working on that for a little bit over a year. And because of that, so say I've been you know getting better at it, I've been growing, I've been loving myself unconditionally more, I have been prioritizing myself more. As the as your numbers get higher, so say I was at like 11% last May, which is the truth on self-prioritization and self-love, and say I am, I don't know what I'm actually at right now. I haven't intuitively tested it in a while, but let's just say I'm at like 60%. The more you work at something, the more you are growing there, the more you are focusing on it, so those areas can actually feel like they are blowing up even more in your face because of the lot focus. So because you're focusing on it, it's growing. So that is what this story today is going to illustrate for

The Shooting Range Gatorade Blowup

SPEAKER_00 4:13

you. So my boyfriend, if you've ever listened to any of my podcast episodes, you have probably heard about him. My boyfriend Cameron and I went to the shooting range yesterday in Virginia, and that is one of our I don't know if it's technically considered passion hobby because it's also we're also using it for the physical area of life, and um passion hobby just kind of has to be something that you get better just to get better at just for yourself, like a hobby. But I think this is more more than that. But anyways, we are working on our firearms training, and we finished up in our lane and went outside, and you have to wash your hands pretty well with cool water or cold water to and to get any lead residue off of your hands, and then when you get home, you want to make sure you change your clothes, take a shower, you want to have specific shoes that you wear just to the range, so I just leave mine in a trunk. Um, you know, all the lead precautions that you can take, especially if you have little children or pets in the house. But so he finished washing his hands first, and then I was finishing up washing my hands, and when I was done, I turn around and he there's this little kiosk, so they have a snack area. They've got food, you know, chips, candy, whatever, beef jerky, um, and then they have a drink cooler with energy drinks, water, soda, Gatorade, and I saw him at the part where you pay, where you scan and pay, and he has yellow Gatorade in his hand and a credit card, and he's paying. And immediately my emotions just fucking skyrocketed because I had just taken him and my daughter to lunch. We went, I don't know if you have a toastique around you. I highly recommend it. It's like gourmet toast, but they also have acai bowls and really awesome coffee, and her birthday is this week. So, um, but she's with her dad, so I wanted to take her and my boyfriend to just a little pre-birthday celebration for her. And this kid loves coffee, she's a young child. She's liked coffee since she was one, so I let her get like a decaf, sea foam latte. It was really delicious. But, anyways, I just spent almost $100 on this lunch of toast, very expensive place for the three of us, and I see him buying a Gatorade, and my emotions went off. I've like very quickly. They went off very quickly because I was like, what the hell? I just bought him a like an entire lunch and a drink and everything, and he can't even offer me a damn Gatorade. Not that I would say yes to it, a Gatorade, they make my stomach hurt, but um, just anything, you know what I mean? Like just being considered. So I went, I went over in a very bitch mode, and I was like, no, I'm good. Thanks for asking, anyways. And he was like, No, no, I was gonna offer you something, I was gonna get you something, what do you want? And I was like, no, no, it's fine, because his credit card was already out, like he was paying. So I'm like, what the hell do you mean you were gonna offer me something you've already paid? So I go over to the chair and he was like trying to convince me, no, go pick something out, and then he ended up, he hadn't paid yet, he had had his card out, so he ended up putting his drink away, and we just go to the car, and I was driving, and um, you know, we're arguing about it. I'm like, what do you mean you were gonna offer me something? You know, logically, I'm thinking your card is out, you're already paying, and he was like, Well, I didn't think you would want anything anyway, but on the off chance that you did, I was still going to ask you anyway. So I was just like, This is bullshit, blah blah blah. So we are driving to his house, it's about 15-ish minutes away, and I was like, Do you need to go to 7-Eleven or can you wait till we get home for you know something to drink? He was like, Well, all we have is water, so I want to go get something on the way. So I stop at 7-Eleven for him, and he he comes out with a Gatorade and an iced tea and something for me. Um, he knows I love aloe vera water, so he got me an aloe vera water, and I was like thinking, Wow, that's so nice. You know, I just bitched him out for not offering me something, and he still still got me something. So we get home and then we had to go, we went to visit our friend after that, so we went and visited, and then, you know, we didn't talk about it anymore. We just kind of for chose to chose to both move on from the situation. And then we watched The Hobbit. I have just I just finished as of like two weeks ago the entire Lord of the Rings series. Uh it took about a month from the first, you know, the Hot Three Hobbit movies and then the Lord of the Rings movies. You guys, I am a freaking convert. That is my new favorite series. I used to love Harry Potter. I still love Harry Potter, but man, if I had to choose one, I think it would be Lord of the Rings. And um, so so I wanted to re-watch it, not only because it's fantastic, but I think it's gonna help me just understand even more. You know, when you watch something that deep and there's so many different characters and family lines, and um, I was like, okay, let's re-watch again. Just not just a great excuse to re-watch the whole series again, but watching from movie one, I'm like, oh, this is this is awesome because now I know a lot of the storyline. Like, I remember a lot of the storylines gonna happen. Shirley didn't remember everything, that was those were some long movies. Um, so it was really cool rewatching. We watched The Hobbit yesterday after this whole situation, and at the end of the movie, I apologized to him. I was like, you know, I just want to um apologize for going off on you earlier. And he gave me a really big hug, and he was like, I really was gonna offer you something. I just figured I'll just make two transactions, you know, you were still washing your hands, and and so we each explained um uh what our mentality was, and anybody who's in a relationship with me, especially him by now, knows that because I'm taking all of these classes, you know, spirituality isn't just spirituality isn't just learning about the chakras and and being intuitive and and channeling source.

Law Of Focus And Relationship Reflections

SPEAKER_00 10:29

It is a way of living where you are taking radical responsibility for everything in your life because yes, we are 100% constantly manifesting in our life. We are, you've heard me talk about reflections, and that is where our emotional imbalances on the inside are going to come out on the outside, whether it's spilling your coffee or dropping your fork at the restaurant or someone behaving or acting a certain way towards you, it's all reflective of our inner state. Clients not following through, people dropping out of your program, even getting in an argument with someone. So spirituality, because it that is manifestation at the end of the day. So, what I have been learning with reflections and emotions for that matter is how to more so control my reality. If there is something that I'm seeing that I am not um wanting to continue, I have to look at that and say, okay, how am I being that way in my life? What, you know, what are my imbalanced perceptions about myself, my limited perceptions of myself that are causing this situation or event or person to treat me like this, that I don't want this to continue this way. And then I can I can fix it on my end, and then life magically changes based on how I'm changing my inner state. It is so cool. It's not for the faint of heart, it's it's it's really deep stuff, but it is so true and fascinating to watch. So um so that is how I live my life. So anybody who is in a relationship with me at this point, well, obviously I'm in just one right now, but with my last relationship is when I started learning about this and got into this world, and he saw, you know, he started seeing the truth in this, and I started changing, just wildly expanding in my life and how I well, how I live my life. So Cameron knows because I'm in these classes and learning how to how to live like this, that oh, and I actually just want to say that there are reflections, and then there are also soul contracts. So a lot of the people, a lot of people say, Well, you know, what about a child who is suffering in this type of way? You know, how is that a reflection for them? That's a soul contract. We also have those even through, you know, beyond a childhood. So there are reflections, but there are also soul contracts. But anyways, Cameron understands that we do have what feels like a lot of obstacles because I'm living my life in a way where I am choosing to see that I do create everything. Therefore, I have a lot of more work on the back end of my life where I want to intentionally, consciously create what I want. So because I am focusing on these classes and this type of growth, again, law of focus, these opportunities seem and feel a lot bigger to the both of us because we're consciously aware of what is going on. It's we don't wake up and we're just like, oh, I hope today's a good day. Oh, I hope this happens, I hope that, you know, or like, oh, what a great day, or oh, today was shit, tomorrow has to be better, you know. Can't believe this happened, can't believe that happened. We're not, I'm not living like that, therefore he's probably not living like that, just from being around me and seeing how I choose to view everything. That because it's not just, oh, way of the road, that's how shit goes, oh, you know, that's just how the cookie crumbles, oh, oh, you know, whatever. I think you get what I'm saying. We're understanding what's happening more, so it feels bigger. So he and I have had so many relationship reflections, and this was one of them. So he had to be a match to me popping off on him about a fucking Gatorade. And I what the emotions, so emotions are actually showing us where we feel a disconnect from how our truest self feels. My truest self knows 100% Cameron has my back, Cameron prioritizes me. He has never bought himself something without offering me something. Like I know that deep down, my truest self knows that that is the truth. My imbalanced emotional, emotional, imbalanced perception actually has nothing to do with him, and it had everything to do with me. So I was feeling in that moment. So he so he was a match to me popping off, and I'll explain that in a minute. And I was a match to that situation. My higher self put me in that situation, I think, for a couple of reasons. One was the emotional part of it, learning the tools, which again, I'll get to that more, clarify more there. But um, it was a reflective piece for me because my higher self is like, bitch, I want you to stop feeling this certain thing about yourself, which is I'm feeling like I'm not prioritizing myself. And because I'm feeling like I'm not prioritizing myself, I am then hit with what felt like a very high-level situation where I'm feeling like somebody else is not prioritizing me, someone I love. So the social area of life, the dating area of life. I rank that pretty highly in my world. Therefore, that is why most of my reflections are felt the strongest there because I put so much focus, again, on my relationship. And to me, relationships are kind of like health. If it's not going well, it affects all areas of life negatively. So we all have, you know, there's eight areas of life. We've all got our area of life where if it's not going well, it's we know it's gonna affect other areas of life negatively. So some people that's finances, um, you know, it could be vocation. So I was a match to feeling this way because my higher self is tired of me feeling like I'm not prioritizing myself. The specific area of life, I had to use intuition to deduce this. Of course, it could be financial vocation, those are always on the table for spiritual people, like causing reflections in your life. But what I'm really feeling that it is, is me feeling like I'm not prioritizing myself physically when actually I am, which was why I was a match to feeling like Cameron wasn't prioritizing me, but he actually was.

Hernia Healing As Self Prioritization

SPEAKER_00 16:50

So I got a hernia a few weeks ago helping a man who is a quadriplegic, so he he has to be in a wheelchair all the time. And there's part of I was doing his morning routine for a while, and there's part of the morning routine where you have to basically you put a strap over his chest and he's laying horizontal in his wheelchair, and there's kind of like handles on this on the uh strap that's going over his chest, and from behind you have to pull him up. But I didn't realize I was supposed to be standing up before pulling, and I was like pulling him from a kind of like a leaning back position, and I got a hernia. Holy shit! So I have not been able to go to the gym. I love going on the gym to the gym, and if I'm not going to the gym, then I'm going on a like an hour-long walk in the morning, and I haven't been able to do that. So naturally, I'm feeling like I'm not able to prioritize my health or my yep, my health slash physical body. But in reality, I am actually prioritizing my physical body because I do not want this hernia to get worse, I do not want to have to get surgery on it. So, me not going to the gym, not going for long, fast-paced walks is prioritizing physical, and I was not seeing that. And this situation was the perfect example, the perfect way of my higher self to show me, okay, here, you know, here's the reflection of you feeling like he's not prioritizing you. She knew I was going to use intuition to deduce which area of life I am feeling the same, and now I have a whole new perspective on this physical area of life, which is amazing. I'm like, okay, it's it's helping me give myself grace. It's helping me just be okay with feeling like I need to slow down more, relax more. But also part of the even bigger picture, I think, is that I have, you know, we've all had our traumas and our experiences, and part of mine, they always go deep, deep, deep down in childhood. Uh, and then they are re- So we had we experience something in childhood, a profound, you know, thing that create that shapes a belief within us. And a lot of the times the beliefs are I'm not lovable unless XYZ, I don't belong, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. So I have had a few, you know, heavily skewed beliefs since childhood. And then what happens is when we have a belief, our subconscious is constantly proving that belief to be true in our lives, which is why when I'm working with people as a life coach and a subconscious reprogramming facilitator, that's why this work is so dear to my heart because we can change these beliefs, and that is how we change our experiences in life. That is how we get through these patterns that keep showing up that we don't want to experience anymore. Relationship patterns, job patterns, boss patterns, uh friendship patterns, financial patterns, they're all patterns that are that are stemming from, they're created from these subconscious beliefs.

Childhood Beliefs That Fuel Triggers

SPEAKER_00 20:01

So I've had a belief that has to deal with me not feeling prioritized, kind of like feeling like an abandonment wound. And my parents divorced when I was two years old, and I went back and forth to see my mom every um, you know, I think we did week on, week off, and then every other weekend, and it just caused so much pain in my life, and I know I felt abandoned. Not that my parents were abandoning me, not at all, but as a child, we only have so much to to calculate what is going on in our life. That is when our beliefs are created, negative beliefs, because we're we're just trying to understand what's going on. We can't use logic to figure out, oh, well, mom said this because of that, dad said this because of that, oh, it doesn't really mean anything about me. No, we are internalizing everything that we are feeling, whether it is a true or not, whether it is a fact or not. So I have had that abandonment wound forever, which stems into feeling not prioritized even when I am. So that is that showed up in this situation yesterday because my higher self, I think she she's just ready. I've been working on this for so long. I think she was like, we're gonna create a very small incident, right? A Gatorade. It's gonna feel like a level 10 because you are ready to finally just get rid of this shit. So so once this all happened and I had time to reflect on it later, I was like, wow, Crystal, you really thought he wasn't gonna buy you a Gatorade, he wasn't gonna offer you, or whatever you know, I wanted from the snack bar. And it showed, and I had, you know, all of these memories of our our relationship specifically, because those are the most recent memories I have, because this kept has kept coming up where I felt not prioritized by him. And I'm like, no, he's never not prioritizing me. I'm just feeling that way because of this deeply, deeply. Deeply rooted belief that of you know I'm not good enough, therefore I'm abandoned, therefore I'm not prioritized, and it just it felt like such a chapter turn in my brain that I am at the end of the day. Am I glad I popped off on him? No, did he deserve it? No, he's the fucking sweetest guy ever. Um, he did not deserve that from me, but I am glad it happened because I had the opportunity to like that rewired my brain completely. So then on the other note of reflections on his end, and at the end of the, you know, after that initial I apologize conversation, we talked again later, and I'm trying to figure out, you know, why is he a match to me feeling like he's not prioritizing me or feeling like he's fucking up with me, um, feeling like I'm criticizing him, and he plays a lot of online chess and poker. And the other night he went to the casino, and I don't I'm not I don't know poker jargon very well, but what I know is that something happened to him where it was a 1% chance that this could happen, and it happened, so he lost a lot of money. And I asked him if he had been beating himself up about it, and he said yes, like logically, he understands that you know he played the hand the best he could. Um, he understands it's like, you know, he's not necessarily blaming himself, but there is a part of him that's like, fuck, you know, I lost that amount of money, and and I was like, okay, because I'm trying to figure out, you know, I was saying to him, you know, I'm trying to figure out what I was like, I know my part and explain my part of the situation because we can use these little opportunities to have massive growth and transformation in our life. So this little situation of the Gatorade at the shooting range, it's profoundly changing my life. I can feel that. And I want to offer him the same thing. You know, he's not looking at his life constantly how I look at my life, but he does obviously get glimpses into it because we basically live together. And sometimes I will ask him, you know, when we have these highly reflective situations, you know, I want to include him in the growth process, even though if he's not automatically thinking that way and be like, hey, he like, let's see what you know, what can you gain from this as well? So for him, it was maybe the self-criticize criticizing and and things like that. So I had a reflective piece, he had his own reflective piece, and that is such a cool way to have a relationship because when you can come back together after a highly emotional situation and look at the role you both had to play, you can both gain so much for your individual life. So that was really neat. And something else I want to mention about emotions. I don't want to be in a relationship where it's

Spicy Wins And Emotional Tools

SPEAKER_00 25:00

just give, you know, where the other person isn't reciprocating, but that wasn't the case at all. But it showed me how, you know, just how easily emotions can go off, and I can now I can now, you know, I see that I kind of knew that already, but I have more of an idea of what my tools are in my head that I feel like, you know, maybe I'm maybe the next emotional triggering situ emotionally triggering situation I will pop off again, but after another time or two, if another time or two like that happens, I'm going to start to remember in the moment, okay, wait, I have these tools at my disposal, probably six or seven of them, and I can start choosing to implement those in the moment. It might take a couple of times, but they are there. So, you know, if you are, I had a coach one time, he called it a spicy win. He was like, say you are wanting to stop smoking weed, and then you smoke weed. He was like, That's actually a spicy win. Shout out Carlos de la Playa. Um, he said, That's actually a spicy win because you're gaining information in that moment. So I'm gaining the information of, oh shoot, I hit the bowl again, I didn't want to smoke, and like, oh, actually, this doesn't feel as good as I thought it would. You know, I have different goals that this doesn't align to. So you gain a lot of information. And like I tell all of the people I help with weight loss or energy who are focusing on um health, you know, new health tools, just because you do something that you feel isn't aligned to your current goals doesn't mean you're a failure. It doesn't mean you're bad. So just because in those moments and in that moment yesterday, I didn't use the new tools that I had learned, it doesn't mean I failed myself. It means I gained information that, okay, I don't necessarily want to react like that immediately in the future. I want to have a moment, at least take a breath, and then choose the tool, and then over time I'm going to be able to implement these new tools, you know, at the pace that I am able to. So that is what I have for you today on

Reach Out Rate The Show

SPEAKER_00 27:12

lots of stuff. Emotions, reflections, how we both are always playing a role in a situation, prioritization. If you have any questions or want to reach out to me, or let me know if you have any takeaways or insights from this episode, I love hearing from you. You can either leave a comment on the episode or reach out to me anywhere you know me or email me crystal at crystalwar.com. That is crystal k-r-y-s-t-a-l. And if you have been enjoying the podcast or even this episode, um, I would love if you could rate the show, and that helps me grow. I want to impact as many people as I can, and this is a pretty new podcast, so any love and support really helps me. So thank you, and we will talk soon.